To Buxton!

In 2015, my friend The Imaginator set off for a 12 month working holiday in the land down under. Her life took a couple of detours including getting engaged to an Australian and creating two tiny Australians (The Smalls). This year she finally found her way back onto British soil, just in time for lockdown. 

Now that COVID has died down a little we figured it was safe to meetup. So yesterday I packed The Youngling and The Artivist into the car and set off for Buxtonland.

It took a long time to get there. Buxton is further from Wigan than where I used to live. When we arrived The Imaginator presented me with this wombat. 

Her to do list when she left included that she should 'bring us all a wombat', so I was most pleased this hadn't been forgotten (although I believe she is yet to 'solve cricket', which was also on the list).

We had lunch in the pub where The Imaginator works, and the meat there is supplied by the butcher's shop where The Australian works. 

The Youngling sat in a pub highchair and happily munched on some of the tiny mushroom and spinach sandwiches we'd brought for him, only dropping a couple of pieces on the floor and refusing a minority (which he ate later). The vegan pie I had was good but a bit on the small side. The Artivist regretted not ordering a second helping of chips. The Australian was unimpressed with his meat being undercooked. The Smalls weren't interested in their food.

After lunch we went to the park. They have 2 kids' play areas there - we visited both. The Imaginator explained they've found it best to go to the enclosed play area first. That way The Smalls tire themselves out a little and are less liable to running off when they later go to the bigger play area.

The Small Small did like to run off. She escaped from the enclosed play area 3 or 4 times but each time was recaptured by the Australian. The Big Small was happier to stay in one area for a while before moving on. The Australian taught me that the key to finding your kids in the park is remembering what they're wearing.

The Youngling didn't do any running off because he's not learned to run yet. Hopefully when he does, he will still have a preference for brightly coloured t-shirts. He did have a nice time staying with the grown ups and practising his walking, getting to know The Imaginator. And he had a go on a lie-down swing with The Small Small.

After the park we went to The Imaginator's house for a cuppa. I'd almost forgotten how steep her road is. She lives at the top of the hill, next to a field of sheep. The Artivist made comment about how it must feel to leave your house in the morning and see 90 sheep starting at you.

We saw The Imaginator's parents - Manray and The Inquisitor. Manray introduced himself to The Youngling and helped him practice his walking while The Inquisitor asked The Artivist lots of questions about where he's from and whether he dropped out of uni, and what roads we'd used to travel over from Wigan. 

Then it was time to go home. It's a long drive from Buxton to Wigan and we were going to have our dinner late, which would've probably meant getting The Youngling to bed late, but The Artivist was ON IT and ordered us a takeaway from the car, which arrived at our house about 5 minutes after we did. 

It was a good day, and we arranged it just in time - as of today gatherings of more than 6 people are illegal in the UK because COVID. Hopefully it won't be too long before we can all meet up again, but maybe I'll just have to arrange seeing The Imaginator without any kids stealing our attention or something. 

Bem Brasil

Today James and I went to Bem Brasil for lunch. It's an all you can eat Brazilian restaurant. I did plan to take photos of all the food I ate, but I felt too self conscious, so no pics today.

If you've never been to Bem Brasil before, I think you should try it because it's awesome. It's not like your typical all you can eat buffet - they do have a buffet stand with salads and stuff but the main bulk of your eating  is served by waiters. They come around the tables with all different slabs of meat and cut it off for you if you want some. And there's a lot of meat. We had lamb and sirloin and pork ribs and sausage and chicken wrapped in pancetta and garlic beef and chilli beef and steak with cheese and and... gammon and rump steak and and loadsa meats. 

When you eat meats your brain releases endorphins. So basically I got high off food. I'm not exaggerating; I genuinely am not thinking in my normal rational manner.

And then at the end they bring cinnamon pineapple, which is probably the best food in the world. It is probably worth paying the £13 and sitting out all of the meat courses just for some cinnamon pineapple. They put a cinnamon coating on a pineapple and grill it. It is indescribably good.

Then we wandered around Manchester in a bit of a daze and we went in the sweet shop but then we realised that we couldn't face more food and then I had to go find some Irn Bru, which was surprisingly difficult.

And because four people I know have birthdays coming up, I thought I'd have a look to see if there was anything good to get for their presents. But then I remembered that present shopping with no ideas for what to buy is a really stoopid idea so we gave up on that sharpish. Manchester Arndale is a surprisingly disappointing place for present shopping and the meat daze made the crowd annoyingly difficult to negotiate so we decided to go home.

Then the bus driver decided to mind game me by charging '64 bob' for our fare. At first I wasn't sure that was actually what he said, like maybe I was really high and my mind had invented it. Then when he qualified '64 shillings' it took me half a second to remember that shillings went out of use before I was born. And even though I know one shilling is 5p, I still couldn't work out how much that is in real money. Especially absent minded of me as I already knew how much it would cost before flagging the bus down in the first place.

So since we got home, we've not really done anything. But in a fun way. We sat in our bed tent and watched The Wolf of Wall Street, and have decided never to eat again.

Bournemouth Times

I went to Bournemouth last week. My friend Gina moved there a few months ago to live by the sea, and I figured it was about time that I went to see her. It's a long drive from Manchester, about five hours in total (after you add in the inevitable traffic jam on the M6 and the breaks I took) but that was quicker and cheaper than the train so that's how I travelled.

Gina took me to meet the friendly squirrels. I'm not used to squirrels that don't run up a tree the instant they see you coming, but these ones come right up to you. Sometimes they even get a chance to take food out of a person's hand (not in a stealing way, people offer them berries and nuts).

We walked into Boscombe and into Bournemouth town centre. We wandered round the shops and then went in a pub, where I learned that Wetherspoon can't spell.

"They have more exotic plants because it's warmer down here."

Then we walked back to Gina's flat down the beach. That's Gina, on the beach.

I liked the pretty colours of the beach huts. But the numbering system upset me.

We saw a surfing class and watched them for a little bit. I always admire people who bother to exercise from time to time. They seem to spend more time fighting with their board than standing on it. And when they do get up, they only manage to stay there for a few seconds before they fall back into the water. I'm not saying I could do it better. It just looks like really hard work.

We spent a silly amount of time photographing the waves. They really are quite fascinating if you just stop and watch for a while. It's hard to take a picture that does them justice.

These photographs were taken from Boscombe Pier. And that in the distance (below) is the Isle of Wight, which is made of chalk and has the fastest eroding coastline in the country. I went there once (well actually I've been there twice, but the first time I was two years old so that doesn't really count). We went to see Blackgang Chine, which is a theme park that doesn't really do rides (there was one children's roller coaster, or was it two?). That was a good day out. Anyway... we're in Bournemouth.

And we saw the Harvester where Gina works.

On the second day Gina took me to see Christchurch. We saw some boats.

And there's a wishing well, which the pigeons seemed very fond of.

We went for a walk through the priory gardens. 

We wandered down this very exciting secretish passageway...

... and saw the ruins of this castle. This is Christchurch Castle, which is believed to have been built over the remains of a very old wooden fort that dates back to the 10th Century.

The part up the hill there is the Great Tower. This was build around 1300 (I think). There's another part down the hill, which I think is the Norman House that was built within the castle bailey.

Gina put me in the stocks. But these stocks were a bit unrealistic because I could just slip my hands through the holes, which would be a very silly form of punishment.

We had lunch in the New Forest Perfumery. It was a good tea room - there was an unusually wide selection of sandwiches (plus some other things) and the staff were expertly trained in the art of loveliness. If you're ever in Christchurch looking for lunch, I recommend this place. 

Then we had a nice wander down the canal and headed back to Gina's flat. We decided not to walk quite as far because I was still very tired after all the walking on the first day (Gina's used to it now).

It was a really good couple of days in Bournemouth. I took three days off work and got to explore a part of the country I've never been to before. And I got to have a catch up with my best friend, even though she abandoned me and moved to Bournemouth.

And I'm gonna have another chance to catch up with her at Halloween - we're going to Lincoln.

Chester Zoo

James and I wanted a day out. We went to the zoo.

They had life-size cut outs of animals. Rhinos are bigger than you'd think.

I don't actually remember what exactly these are. Some sort of deer. They have lots of them.

We saw elephants. I like elephants. They have really good memories - it was proven. At least, it was proven that one particular elephant has an awesome memory and doesn't like trick questions.

 

Usually, the male elephant hangs out by himself and the girls group together. Recently, researches have noticed that sometimes in the wild the bulls actually wander with the females, who surround him to protect him from poachers.

We saw camels. They're strange. They look a bit shaggy. That's because it's summer now, and they're malting.

When you see them in drawings the humps are perfectly shaped and really upright, but not these guys. The hump actually stores fat, not water. That means that they can store enough fat without getting too hot because the rest of the body doesn't have to hold any of it.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a basin? You can't wash your face in a buffalo!

The Congo Buffalo, AKA Red Buffalo or Forest Buffalo. They live in the rainforest for about 15 years. I think that is pretty much everything I learned about these guys.

Giraffes are fun. They are one of only two members of the Giraffidae family. The other member is called Okapi - it looks kinda like a deer.

Giraffes start their life with a 6 foot, head first drop to the ground, then they get up and start walking. They're necks are really long but only have seven vertebrae (the same as any other mammal). They have this fighting style known as necking (males fighting over mates), where they swing their necks and bash each other with their heads. Sometimes one of them falls over.

We saw giant tortoises. They live a really long time.

Here's how you tell the difference between a tortoise and a turtle:

• Tortoises have stumpy feet.
• Turtles have flippers.
• Terrapins have claws.

And we saw lots of exciting exotic birds.

King of the swingers.

The name 'orangutan' translates into English as 'man of the forest'. And apart from the fact that they live in trees, they are quite like humans. The babies cry and wimper to tell parents something's wrong, and smile at their mothers. Orangutans have opposable thumbs and they have 32 permanent teeth. They use branches as fly swatters and have makeshift umbrellas / parasols made from leaves (that is, they'll hold a few leaves over their head to protect them from rain or sun - they haven't actually fashioned a tool that'll fold up or has a telescopic handle or anything).

I don't remember what this is. I think it's some sort of stick insect.

A lizard. Of the dragon variety, I believe.

Flamingos. Those strange pink birds that wouldn't be very exciting if they weren't pink. They're actually quite boring when you get past the colour.

The most treacherous problem flamingos face is somebody stealing their nest; if they do, the first egg gets kicked out and the first parents have no hope of picking it up and putting it back (even if they do manage to reclaim their nest).

And we saw penguins.

The TV makes penguins look like they're always having fun. They sled on their bellies, 'fly' underwater and they go fishing. They always look like their playing. Not in real life. These guys looked bored. Maybe they would be having fun if they weren't prisoners in a zoo.

There's a tiger! He's hiding in the trees but I can see him. I guess that camouflage isn't as good as he thought.

This one time, someone shaved a tiger's fur off and found it was stripey on its skin too.

Lions! This enclosure looks tiny in the picture, sorry about that. The enclosure is pretty big at Chester Zoo. I mean, not in relation to a lion's territory in the wild - they would have an area far bigger than the whole zoo if they could, but in relation to other zoos, theirs is big.

Sometimes they feed the lions whole chickens so they can play with them and pull the feathers out like they would in the wild. Or something. I imagine lions like to play. They are cats, after all.

Got a good view of the cheetahs - the walkway goes right over the enclosure. Maybe that way it's not so intrusive but you still get a good view of them.

You don't get to see cheetahs run in a zoo, or do anything much. That's the problem with locking up big cats, I guess.

Meerkats are not from Russia! In the wild they live in the Kalahri and Namib Deserts (Southern Africa).

There are a few acceptable collective nouns for meerkats - clan, family, gang or mob. There's usually about 20 of them in a family. They're all responsible for looking after the young. I seem to remember something from a documentary about only the dominant female being allowed to mate; that way they only have one litter to look after at a time, but don't quote me on that.

Baby meerkats are cute. Look how tiny!!!

And finally we went in the butterfly hut but none of them would stay still for long enough to have their picture taken so you'll just have to take my word for it.

James was so convinced that we didn't need to arrive as soon as the place was opening, but we turned up two hours after opening and didn't actually have time to see everything. Well, we were very tired by this point, having spent four hours walking in the sun so we went home.